TAG: My Perfect Imperfections

 

 

“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it” – Salvador Dali

The very gorgeous Kerry of Kerry Just Beauty has tagged me to do the ‘My Perfect Imperfections’ tag.

 I’m really pleased both because Kerry’s is one of my favourite blogs (and she’s a lovely lady) and also because I’ve wanted to do this post for the longest time.

I loved reading her post, because she was so honest. One of the most poignant parts for me was when she shared that she didn’t used to like her eyes because she got teased at school – whereas I think her eyes are absolutely stunning! It just goes to show that it really is all subjective.

The teenage me would have run a mile at sharing my deepest self-loathing with the world, but if there’s one thing that age gives you, its perspective.

So yes, there are still definitely things I dislike about my appearance. But they don’t cripple me anymore and they don’t define me. I call myself shallow, but its firmly tongue in cheek. What I look like is not all that I am. And I know plenty of people will have told me that when I was younger, but unfortunately its just one of those things that you have to learn yourself, so that you know it in your heart and it carries you through.

Because there are still days when my imperfections drive me crazy. There are still days when I catch myself looking at a picture of some ‘perfect’ celebrity and despairing because I don’t have a thigh gap or my hair isn’t as thick as theirs. There are still days I just wish I was different to how I am. But I know now that perfection doesn’t really exist - and if it did, we’d be unhappy because there’d be nothing to reach for.

And also I know that being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect (whatever ‘perfect’ means anyway). It means that you’ve given yourself permission to look beyond the imperfections.

So, in that spirit, here are my perfect imperfections:

Waistline

When it comes to body shape and weight, I used to be a seething mass of self-hate, and if there’s still one thing that tips me over the edge, it would be this.

I am a mesomorph. This means that I have a bulky body type that gains muscle mass very easily. Which is handy if you’re a body builder, but unfortunately for me, its not what is traditionally thought of as feminine. I’m also an apple shape, which means that if I put on weight, it goes straight to my tummy. In addition, I have a stupidly large ribcage that juts out. And no matter how many crunches I do, I can never get the small, nipped in waist that I want. I’m just not built like that.

After a month of running home from work every day and starting to weightlift at the gym, I’d put on half a stone. And it doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that it’s ‘good weight’, its muscle etc, I still can’t get past the rather shameful fact that I’d rather be waif like than strong and muscly.

When I was a young teenager, I most definitely had puppy fat and I still feel like that chubby girl in the corner. It really did change my personality, from being naturally bubbly to being much more reserved and unsure of myself. It doesn’t mean that I can never be slim, but it does mean it will never be in a willowy, ectomorph way. Despite having a (usually) decent diet and doing plenty of exercise, I’ll always be heavier than some people. I’m quite tall which means a pound or two extra doesn’t always show. But my weight doesn’t fluctuate, it’s very stubborn.

 I’ve driven myself mad with numbers on the scales over the years, and now I don’t own any. Too much potential for obsession. I know I’m not massive, but at the same time people are always surprised when I tell them my weight – I’ve had people flat out say I can’t weigh as much as I do. But I do. Big, solid long bones and muscles.

The one thing I’d dearly love is a smaller waist, but even at my leanest, its never been below 28 inches. It’s just not the way I’m built. This is the hardest imperfection to ‘forgive’ myself for, and I haven’t overcome it, but all I can think about it is that there’s more important things to worry about.

Forehead Lines and Eyebags

This one is definitely a product of getting older! So its kind of funny how sometimes your old imperfections begin to bother you less, but then new ones will spring right up to replace them. First up, the lines.

I don’t exactly have wrinkles (yet…) but I do have quite deep lines on my forehead. I think this is mainly because I have such a short forehead (its more of a threehead really…). They do bother me a lot, because they’re quite ageing and I think I could pass for a lot younger without them. I would definitely have Botox, and I am planning to look into it when I have a bit more spare cash. I used to be deathly afraid of needles, but I’ve managed to cure myself of it (mainly due to the ridiculous amounts of vaccinations I needed to go to Thailand) so I think I could cope now.

 I haven’t found any cream that’s really helped with them, although I think Nanoblur is a godsend for getting rid of them temporarily.

Similar story with the eyebags. These are one of those things that are genetic and you can’t prevent them. You can make them look better if you get enough sleep, drink enough water and don’t eat too much salty food, but one glance at either of my parents shows that they’re just in my DNA. The only thing that gets rid of them is a rather nasty looking operation that I definitely wouldn’t want.

So I’m stuck with horrible puffy eye bags most of the time! All I can say is thank god for Touche Eclat and cold teaspoons

Cheekbones

One thing I’m obsessed with is bone structure.  I would kill to have razor sharp cheekbones -  I think they look so gorgeous and elegant. But my face is simply not made that way.

Obviously, I do *have* cheekbones, but they aren’t prominent enough for my liking. That’s why I’m mad about contouring and I do it everyday, simply to fake some kind of a bone structure.  I would love to wake up one day and have better cheekbones, but it doesn’t seem likely.

There are a few other things as well, that are not really worth mentioning. I used to hate my boobs as a teenager and desperately wanted surgery, but I've since realised that comedy plastic boobs mean no-one takes you seriously and its very hard to look classy in certain clothes - so I'm glad I resisted!

 I used to worry about my hair and eye colour and desperately wanted to be blonde and blue-eyed until I realised how many stunning dark haired women there are out there!

So it really all adds up to nothing. Even supermodels don't feel perfect, so you need to find some other place to get your confidence. And learn how to use make-up and clothes to your advantage. So here's to our perfect imperfections and learning to love ourselves for who we are, not what dress size we fit into or how our hair looks!

 I'll leave it with the words of one of the most beautiful women on earth, who was convinced that she wasn't: